The Lies We Tell Ourselves

I just posted something on facebook that I decided would be a good blog:  “I am going to pretend that all of my hair that is falling out from my MTX is my newly found gray hair. I am also going to pretend that I look good in my new sun hat. Pretending is good.”

After I wrote this, I started thinking about all the other lies we tell ourselves.  Oh, not just as sick people. Everyone does it.  Things like: My job will get better if I am patient or This dress makes me look thin or He hasn’t called in a week but that doesn’t mean he isn’t interested.

We all do it.  It’s how we cope with life, how we go through the day to day.  Sometimes those lies turn into full-out dangerous denial (he hit me because he loves me too much), but for the most part it’s normal.

We (sick people) do this, too.  We convince ourselves of positive outcomes because how else can you go through each day in terrible pain.  We tell ourselves things like:

Tomorrow I will feel better.

This medicine won’t have any side effects.

My doctor knows best.

Those could all be true, of course.  But we have bigger lies we tell ourselves:

I am not missing anything by not being able to go out with my friends

Moon face is actually flattering on me.

It’s my fault I’m sick (if you are telling yourself this one- CUT IT OUT! And yes we all do it)

Today my lies are all about vanity.  I hate to buy a bigger sun hat today because the first one I bought (that did look not terrible on me) didn’t shade my face enough.  I don’t have lupie sun sensitive (thankfully!  sorry to those of you who do!), but I am on several meds that will make me photo-sensitive so I am being cautious.  Anyway, I bought a bigger hat today and I completely trusted my style-deficient partner to tell me which looked best on me.  I looked in no mirrors.  All very dumb.  But I bought it anyway, and now I’m going to tell myself I look fantastic.  Because that’s what I need to believe.

I also need to believe that those gray hairs I have spotted lately are the ones falling out in bunches everyday.  That lie kills two birds.  Look how efficient I am.

So, what lies do you tell yourselves to get through the day?

 

 

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5 Comments

  1. I’ve decided to stop lying to myself this week and have been terribly depressed. I don’t know how people who have worse health problems adjust to their limitations.

    Reply
  2. I lie to myself that I will be healthy in time for this event or that event…the events come and go without me in attendance and I just remind myself how lucky I am in other ways… but now my wedding is coming up… what if I am on crutches or even worse but totally possible, bedridden? I keep telling myself I’ll be better by then… but the odds are not as forgiving. I Don’t want to fall into the ‘feelingsorryformyself’ spiral of doom… but I’ve lost my ability to ‘lie’ about this occasion.

    Reply
    • akajanie

       /  May 23, 2012

      I totally understand. We have more or less stopped planning our wedding for a bit because everything is so up in the air with my health. It sucks how much our health can affect every other thing in our lives. I hope things go well for you and that you are able to have the wedding you want to have!

      Reply

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